Pay Attention to Patterns

Ever notice how similar scenarios seem to occur over and over again in your life?  Do you find yourself continually battling the same...

• ...types of obstacles?
• ...self-destructive habits?
• ...unhealthy relationships?
• ...fears and/or negative thoughts?

Where do these (and other) situational patterns stem from?

Trauma, regardless of its severity, demands that you find a way to cope... immediately.  This is an innate response, a survival mechanism.  But coping is not the same as healing.  The longer you put off dealing with the trauma, the easier it is to become the victim of conditioned responses, thereby welcoming conditioned outcomes.

The wounds that you harbor must be dealt with directly.  Until then, your subconscious mind will continue to attract situations into your life that feel familiar to the original trauma.

Can you think of any conditioned responses that you'd like to undo?  When your heart and mind are ready, the patterns will undoubtedly disclose themselves.  Once identified, treat them as allies -- these are life-changing opportunities that enable you to heal and grow.  See the pattern, break the cycle.

Self-Medicating Your Emotions

When the body is broken, we address the pain.  We aren't ashamed; we aren't embarrassed.  But the fractures in our emotional body are treated much differently. 

Due to ignorance, shame, or just plain avoidance, emotional pain is often neglected.  But pain is pain, no matter its source -- it is uncomfortable and unwanted.  If you haven't been taught how to deal with emotional pain directly, you will inevitably deal with it indirectly. 

This becomes the doorway to self-medication.  Not only does it alleviate the pain, it also feels good and keeps you distracted from having to address the real issue(s). 

Though not a comprehensive list, common types of self-medication include:

• drugs/alcohol
• no-strings-attached sex
• gambling
• overeating
• pornography
• excessive tv/video games
• push/pull toxic relationships

Notice the trend?  By overindulging in entertainment and pleasure, we temporarily flood the brain with feel-good chemicals, such as dopamine and endorphins.  It's as though we're trying to trick ourselves into believing we're okay.  But the trick never lasts.  Before long, the pain returns and we start craving our next fix.

To stop the self-scamming, start by acknowledging the pain.  You may not know why or how it got there, but give it room to surface.  Half the battle is acceptance.  The rest is simply learning.  Books, support groups, counseling, etc. all provide valuable insight into healing broken emotions.  The tools are available; the choice is yours.

The Art of Letting Go

"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." ~Rumi  

We cannot control everything in our lives.  No-brainer, right?  So why is it so hard to let go?

On the surface, controlling a situation seems to be about making sure we get what we want.  But dig a little deeper and you'll find that control is merely a defense mechanism.  It is how we protect ourselves from the perceived threat of pain.  By vigilantly maintaining control, we disillusion ourselves into believing that we are not vulnerable.  Control keeps us guarded, thereby protected.  But no matter how hard we try, change happens anyway.

Surrendering to the flow of life takes courage and trust -- in our soul path and in God.  It requires that we shed our defenses, our façade, and our ego in exchange for the nakedness of vulnerability.  From the ego's perspective, this is both scary and intimidating.  But from a soul perspective, it is within this very place that we discover the depth of our character and the strength of our faith.

The Path to Peace

Peace is a treasure that everyone longs for but few truly find... because peace is not given; it is earned.

In its most pure essence, peace is calm, tranquil, serene, and harmonious.  But its opposing force is distress, disagreement, agitation, and discord.  Simply put, the obstacle to peace is turmoil. 

Not a single one of us is exempt from turmoil.  We have all experienced disappointment, loss, regret, rejection -- just to name a few.  The obstacle arises when the turmoil is left unaddressed and unresolved.  This invariably becomes the barrier that keeps us from peace.

To journey on the path to peace, you must be willing to acknowledge your inner turmoil, seek to understand its place in your life, forgive (yourself and others), then integrate this new awareness to achieve a more whole and balanced self.

Carl Jung famously stated, "What you resist persists."  Avoiding the memory of a painful experience will not make it go away.  To truly free yourself of the pain, you must first heal the wound.

Spiritual Ecosystem

Imagine walking into the most beautiful garden. 

The grass is lush and dewy.  Flowers of every color bask in the rays of the sun. 

Butterflies dance between magnolia trees, and birds perch atop the fountain. 

As the breeze picks up, you smell the sweetness of the summer air. 

You look up at bright blue skies, close your eyes, and smile. 

Back to reality (bummer, I know).  Each snapshot of this scene captures a unique essence.  Is one greater than another?  No way!  In fact, they actually contribute equally to the whole.  Take away one, and you've suddenly changed the dynamics of the entire scene.

You are no different.  Your unique essence -- your skills, talents, opinions, perspective, etc. -- is an important aspect of the whole.  Without you, there'd be a ripple effect of great magnitude because you are here to accomplish and contribute.  No one else on earth can duplicate you.

There are no mistakes in creation, so embrace yourself, flaws and all.  The scenery would not be the same without you <3

The Power of Why

"Why am I here?"
"Why can't I do that?"
"Why don't they love me?"

The "why" questions linger until we take our last breath.  So it begs the question, "Why?"

The easy answer is that it helps us sift through the complexities of life.  Asking "Why?" enables us to find answers, solve problems, and fine-tune our decisions.  But this explanation merely scratches the surface.

To truly understand the power of why, we must first remember that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.  From a soul perspective, your current lifetime is nothing more than an opportunity to grow.  After all, earth is analogous to school -- we come here to learn.  But the lessons are not random or coincidental.  In fact, they are quite the opposite.

The situations you find yourself in are tailor-made for your soul, and deep within your subconscious mind is a checklist of the lessons you came here to learn.  Each time you complete a soul objective, that particular lesson is crossed off your list.  Easy enough, right?  Well... not exactly.  There's one thing that always seems to get in the way: free will. 

You see, the soul is not on auto-pilot; it's directed by our will.  And too often our will is directed by our ego.  Consciously, we believe in meeting the needs of the ego.  Subconsciously, we know the importance of sticking to the checklist.  Needless to say, this makes for a tricky time navigating through life. 

Enter, "Why."  This simple question bridges the gap between your ego and your soul and, if used wisely, has the power to provide breakthroughs, discoveries, and monumental shifts in perspective.  It is a priceless asset that each of us have been gifted with.  How often you use it is up to you.

The Only Moment is Now

Living in the moment.  It seems like such a simple idea, yet we all struggle with it.  So what exactly prevents us from being present in our lives?

Thoughts!  Those pesky, nagging thoughts about anything and everything -- the bills, our obligations, past wounds, potential outcomes (that may or may never happen), etc.  Let's be honest, we are ALL guilty of letting thoughts control us.  But it doesn't have to be this way.

When you learn to stay present in your circumstances, something amazing happens.  You surrender and maintain control at the same time.  Sound dichotomous?  Perhaps, but think about it.  By training your mind to get the most out of "now" you're actually taking control of your thoughts (as opposed to them controlling you).  And by doing so, you are letting go and surrendering to the moment.  Suddenly, the only place you need to be is here.  Now.

In truth, this is a challenging skill to develop; however, the results are much greater than the time and effort it takes to learn.  Staying present in your life makes you feel alive.  You become awake and aware and naturally empowered to embrace your path.  Life stops coming at you... because you've allowed yourself to flow with it.

Success is a 4 Letter Word

What is success?  What does it mean to be successful?  Does success equate to wealth?  Or fame/power/beauty/perfection?  Does our definition change over time... or with age... or due to the expectations of society? 

What if success could be simplified and made available to everyone?  Luckily, it is.  And if you think that's good news, it gets better.  You already know how to achieve it.  Curious how? 

It's as simple as SELF:

SOLITUDE -- Spend time with yourself.  Get to know who you are.  Meditate.  Reflect.

EXAMINE -- Strip away all of the labels: "I'm a teacher, wife, running enthusiast...."  Well, so are a few million other people.  Don't sell yourself short.  What makes you YOU? (Not sure? Start here: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)

LISTEN -- To your thoughts, your emotions, your intuition.

FOLLOW -- Trust in yourself and in your path; your inner guidance will lead you.

So you see, success is nothing more than achieving your highest potential.  No one in the world -- not your parents, not your peers, not society -- can dictate to you what it should look like, what salary bracket it should be, or what job title it requires.  Only you can define success.  So be brave, and begin the journey of self today.  The world needs your potential.

Life Giving You Lemons? Better Get Some Sugar

Everyone knows the proverbial saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  The sentiment of the statement is beautiful... but is it really that easy?  I mean, c'mon!  Nothing in life is ever that easy.  Making lemonade requires actual effort.  Now I'm not suggesting that making lemonade is on par with rocket science but still, you want it to be good, right?  So let's get real, lemonade requires a formula -- you need the right ingredients, a great recipe, and time to let it chill.  Guess what?  Life is no different.  Making "lemonade" out of our crummy circumstances doesn't just happen; it takes effort.

First, you'll need the right ingredients. These are mine, but feel free to substitute or add in your own: accountability (don't pass the blame), positivity (but let yourself cry when you need to), honesty (no matter what the cost), a source of support (anyone who loves you), and trust (in yourself and your abilities, in the process of life, and in God).  The recipe goes something like this: each step of the way, mix in one or all of the aforementioned ingredients.  On some days you may only need positivity; other days you may find yourself needing support and a healthy dose of trust. 

Lastly, let your situation chill.  Turning your lemons into a sweet concoction takes time.  Be as patient as you can, both with yourself and your circumstances.  To quote the great philosopher Rousseau, "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."  (One too many food metaphors?  It just fit in so perfectly, I couldn't help myself!)

Life's lemons are a challenge, but the reward is personal growth.  And if you learn the formula, you'll find yourself excelling in ways you never dreamed possible.  So accept your lemons and vow to yourself to make the best damn lemonade you've ever had. 

Trite but True

Thus far in my journey I've come to understand that there are certain universal principles that every one of us can benefit from learning:

(1)  Emotions are not "good" or "bad" -- they simply are.  And if used correctly, they can reflect back to us the very issues we need to address.  Just as a doctor diagnoses illness by identifying the patient's symptoms, we can use our emotional symptoms to paint a clearer picture of our circumstances.

(2)  External things cannot bring you lasting contentment.  True joy comes from within.  How?  By uncovering your potential then discovering the ways in which to contribute your unique essence to the world.  This is the key to happiness, harmony, and internal balance.

(3)  Self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect are never worth trading in -- not for a relationship, not for a job, not for fame and fortune.  You are all that you have; don't give it away.